You and I spent so many moments together during my younger years when you kept me every other weekend while Dad worked at the Sale Barn. There were chores. So many chores. But there was also rest. You would spread out your old jean quilt on that red carpet in the living room and I'd lay down for a 'nap'. During that time we would often watch Wild America while you would crochet or mend jeans. But there was also this show that would come on on PBS that stuck a cord with you, Anne of Green Gables. You saw me in a little red headed orphan girl named Anne and you saw yourself and Bampy as the Cuthberts, much too old to raise a young girl.
Bampy called me Becky-two-shoes. You called me your Anne with an E.
Like Anne, I had lots of outbursts and temper fits. And like Marilla you remained calm and always pointed me in the right direction.
There's a famous quote from our PBS special that always makes it's way around this time of year:
"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers. It would be terrible if we just skipped from September to November, wouldn't it? Look at these maple branches. Don't they give you a thrill--several thrills? ~- Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery
There's the irony. October. The month you left this world. Can't we skip it? It's fitting I suppose. The cold, grey days. This month is always heavy with memories of you -- maybe that's where I can find a thrill? Imagine me having outbursts of sadness in my heart and you calmly saying October is the perfect month for you to remember me.
Let's start with all branches lying around on the ground and crispness in the air. Build a fire, Anne, and remember me.....
I look through my Facebook memories and there you are:
10/25/2011 Making some apple dumplings today. Takes me back to when I was younger and Mammy & Grandma Nall were sitting on the back patio. They had me gather all the apples that had fallen to the ground then we peeled them and made apple dumplings on the fire we had started earlier from picking up sticks out of the yard.
We picked up the apples that had fallen to the ground so that they didn't go to waste... cut and peeled them, cut out the bad spots, added sugar and cinnamon set them to boil and then dropped in dumplings. Uncle Mike came in from working and was the first to sample them.....
11/6/2010 Its been two weeks since I was able to wrap my arms around your neck and feel your gentle touch. I miss you. I have all this hurt inside and just as its about to surface with great force it fades away. Why? I don't want it to fade away. I want to cry and cry and sob until I make a complete fool of myself. I'm not sure how much of my day is actually spent thinking in the present...it seems most of it is spent watching a projector in my head with these quick erratic snippets of my time spent with you. There's the goose Mitch killed and you taught me how to pluck it, there's all the time spent picking up sticks out of the yard and burning them. You hung Mitch's goose over the fire to give it a smoked flavor.....
Picking up rocks in the garden, the crazy mean rooster, the chickens I was afraid of and how you clipped their wings so they couldn't fly away. The rabbits you used to keep. Your little dog, Missy and how she grieved herself to death when you went to be with Grandma Jones. The old blue heeler that went blind -Blue. The tires swing in front of the house that the other grandkids and I played on. Fish fry's and how you and g'ma Nall ate the fins and all. Drama with me being afraid of heights and bugs and how I couldn't start the fire in the trash barrel with only two matches. There's the time you took a picture of me having a fit trying to sweep under the bed. I remember sleeping between you and Bampy. On hot nights rubbing his back down with rubbing alcohol. Tightly holding your gown at bedtime. McClellan cheese. Hee-Haw. Brushing your hair on Friday nights watching Dallas & Falcon Crest. Saturday mornings spent cleaning and how you would tell me to look at the picture you had of Jesus knocking on a door and remind me to clean like He was coming to visit. Rainy day. Sunday mornings..."I can't find my slip" Sunday afternoon dinners. My favorite was your BBQ brisket you made in the electric skillet. I have so many memories and I'm so afraid I'm going to forget some of them. I can't lose my memories of you. I miss you. I love you....
11/3/2012 Its finally getting pretty chilly out. I'm reminded of all the times we gathered wood. I can remember all of us grandkids going out to load it up after Bampy cut it and then using the tractor and splitter at the house. I can also remember a specific time when Jen and I didn't have warm enough clothes so you had us wear some panty hose under our pants to help keep us warm. The only thing was, they kept falling down and every time we would pick up a piece of wood we'd have to stop and pull up our britches. You also taught me how to start a fire in the fire place. Not very often, very few times, I was actually the first one up on Saturday and I was always so proud of myself to be able to have the fire started before you and Bampy were up. You two & Grandma Nall taught me so much. I miss you all.
Three more days. 28 October 2010. The day you left. I need to empty out the ashes in my fire-pit that Patty-wagon made me. It's cold. There are lots of sticks to be picked up. I guess I need to build a fire....
I miss you,
Anne with an E
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