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Saturday, February 21, 2015

Too Close To Home

This week's writing prompt is 'Close To Home' and will prompt me to write, with the help of my daughter Laney, and several of her family members, about her father. He was taken from this life at the young age of 34 and the tragedy of his death hit too close to home. His death shook me to my core. I don't know if it was because of the unexpected nature, because he had been my husband or because as a mother the hardest thing I think I've ever witnessed was the horrendous heartbreak of my children at the loss of their father. But I don't want this post to be a solemn one. It's my wish that it would be up beat and full of laughter, as Gaylan was always happy and made everyone he knew laugh.

Gaylan Lynn Dowdy was born August 25, 1976 in Mena, Arkansas to Banks Junior and Brenda Gaye (Counts) Dowdy. He was the youngest of six children and a fighter from the moment he drew his first breath. Gaylan's mother went into labor with him when she was only six months along. He only weighed 2lbs and was tiny enough to fit in the palm of his daddy's hand. He would have to spend the next 3 months at the hospital until he could reach 4lbs and was able to go home.
I don't know if it was because he started life off so small or just what, but Gaylan loved to eat (and laugh) and he was fearless when it came to consequences. As long as he was having fun or making people laugh it was well worth it in his book. One story his cousin Troy recalls was when Gaylan was about 3 years old.
"I remember when he was just a baby, Gaylan and his family lived here in Athens and he got up early one morning and found some money ( I think it was a hundred dollar bill ) in Aunt Brenda's wallet. He walked to the store butt naked to buy himself a sucker. When he made it back home (with exact change) Aunt Brenda whopped his naked butt then promptly went to the store to give the lady behind the counter a piece of her mind." {paraphrased}
His cousin Tina remembers her uncle always telling this cute/funny story about Gaylan that took place when he was about 5 years old:
"Uncle James was at their house when he was about five and Gaylan was in the bathroom taking a poop and grunting really loud. Uncle James said he asked him how long it had been since he had gone to the bathroom, Gaylon said, in a grunt voice, "bout 21 days". This is from  her  husband Floyd's memories of Gaylan. She says "He still laughs every time he mentions it."
His cousin Nerissa can remember Gaylan's fondness for food and his kind heart from when she was in the hospital having her son and he stayed there with her:
"I remember when I was having Bryson at Siloam Hospital, Mom and Cookie and Gaylan were there.  Gaylan sat in my room by my bed almost the whole time and before I had Bryson they asked if "Mom and Dad both wanted a steak dinner?" We just died laughing and I said "No he's just my cousin visiting!" But after I had my c-section and got back to my room there was Gaylan eating his steak dinner plus I gave him mine."
Being the youngest and quite small, it was easy to pick on poor Gaylan (he always took it well and never stayed angry long). One story his family shares, this time is being told by his sister, Cookie:
"We lived in Oklahoma and Jody put a penny up high and told Gaylan and the twins (Ronald and Donald) to jump up and see who could get it first. Gaylan couldn't even think about getting close but the twins ripped off a piece of wood trying to reach it. When daddy got home he ask who did it and everyone of us said Gaylan did. We always blamed everything on Gaylan."
Gaylan was full of spunk - in fact his whole family was - they even had the nickname around town as the Rowdy Dowdy's. As good natured and funny as he was, Gaylan still got into a fight or two. His sister remembers a time when the two of them got into a fight with each other:
"I remember the first time I whooped his butt. I usually never would fight him back. We lived in Big Fork and Mom told us to go to the neighbor to barrow their vacuum. Gaylan  made me carry it back all by myself and I was so mad. When I got back we started fighting and it shocked him that I was whooping him. We hardly ever fought again after that."
Her story reminded me about him always telling about the time he was fixing to get into a fight with some boys at school. Before he could even throw the first punch big sis came flying over his shoulder and beat those boys before he got the chance. It sure made him mad too!

Another thing about Gaylan was his tendency to dream and sleepwalk, while acting out those dreams. I remember when I was pregnant with our son, Patrick, we lived out in Watts, OK, in a trailer house next to his brother, Donald, and his wife Trena. It must've been tornado season and when the air conditioner kicked on one night it had to have triggered one crazy dream for Gaylan. I remember being woken up by him jerking me from bed by the arm and dragging me to the back door. He flung it open and yelled "JUMP!" After lots of yelling and screaming to get him to wake up, he finally explained that he was dreaming that a tornado had made our house begin to roll side over side and he was wanting me jump out when the doorway hit the ground! A few other "close call" dreams that I wasn't there for but have heard told, was the time he was fighting someone is his dream and when he woke up he was punching and pulling wires out of the fuse box in his mother's house. And another time he dreamt he was having a peeing contest with someone. He ended up standing on the arm of his momma's couch and peeing all over her furniture!

Gaylan was always there for his nieces and nephews too. He loved them as much as he loved his own kids, I think. Here are a few memories his niece Katlin has of her Uncle Gaylan:
"One memory I have of me and Laney; it was summer and he wouldn't take us swimming and all the boys was swimming in the pond. He told us not to get in the pond but me and Laney did so he took us in the bathroom and got his belt and scared us by acting like he was going to whoop us but he just told us not to do it again.  He's the one who taught me how to swim. It was me, him, and I'm pretty sure Laney and Patrick,  and he said I'm never going to learn if I didn't jump in so he pushed me and jumped in with me and it scared me but I started swimming."
Gaylan also had an Aunt Debbie. She was no longer married to mother's brother, but everyone always still felt she was Aunt Debbie. They loved her and she loved them. Here is a memory she has of Gaylan:
"One of my memories of him, my son, Shawn, will remember this: He came to Dierks from Siloam Springs to see Shawn and to come to my wedding. He stayed at the house with us a few days and I had cooked something he really liked, may have been beans and cornbread, but he wanted some hot peppers to eat with it and all I had was some growing in a flower pot. I told him he couldn't eat them because they was so hot that no one had been able to do more than touch their toung to one. He bragged he could eat them that there was none to hot for him so I went out and picked a couple that was big enough to eat, these peppers were tiny when grown but was like putting liquid fire in your mouth, they were no bigger than a small grape and each one a different color. That's why I got one from someone and saved the seeds to plant in that flower pot. I mean they were about 5 different colors, purple, yellow, blue, red and orange all on one plant. Because they were so bright color and pretty and I had never seen any like them. Anyway I warned him again when I handed them to him but he just grined at me and bit the tip off and went to chewing. lol we all was waiting and he held on as long as he could but he jumped up, his face lit up and he headed for the kitchen sink and went to drinking straight from the faucet. lol.. but he wanted some seeds cause he wanted Banks to eat one. When he left I picked all that was ready and sent with him and told him I'd send him some seeds. I did too. When they dried and was ready I mailed him all the seeds I could. That was the first pepper he couldn't eat and he just had to grow some and see if his Daddy could eat it."
In all these stories and memories I hope we can see some character traits. I see them in each of the children we had together. Patrick loves food and cooking, as well as cutting up and making others laugh, while Laney thrives on happiness and is quick to forgive. They both have big hearts and are happy to help other people out and I want them to see that these things are a way their dad will always be with them.
I will close with Laney's memories of her Daddy:
"My dad was a wonderful man. His name is Gaylan Lynn Dowdy. My dad past away due to a hunting accident. I remember when my mom got the call from my uncle about the news I saw her face and I just knew that someone had died. I thought it was either my grandma (his mom) or my dad. When I found out that my dad had gone my life changed. My dad was a really funny man he could make anyone laugh and I  mean anyone. I remember my dad and I and the family were at the big hole and I was too afraid to jump off the rock but my dad told me he would be in the water waiting for me. When I finally decided to jump I jumped right on my dad and I remember him not blowing up and getting mad at me but laughing about it. That is one thing I love about my dad is that he never got mad about anything really. My dad told me that his sister and him were like two peas in a pod. He once played Barbies with his sister because she asked him to. Anybody else I know would have said no because that was a girl toy. When my dad was older he got in a fight at school and his sister jumped over everybody and punched the kid right in the face because she didn't want my dad to get hurt. When my mom and dad got divorced I'm really glad that the judge said that I could see my dad because if I didn't I would have never gotten to know him. Now that my brother is older he looks just like my dad. I remember my dad worked for a big truck company and he would take me along sometimes and we stopped at a restaurant and ate, now every time I see that restaurant I think of that time. I really miss my dad and if I could have one wish in the world it wouldn't be for money or a big house it would be for my daddy to come back."









P.S. Please consider stopping by my SIL's page to read her 'Close To Home' post.

Until Next Week,
Becky

1 comment:

happy_girl_24@livejournal said...

Tears. So beautiful. I'm glad Laney could help with this one.